I miss you. I miss you so much. It hasn't even hit me yet, but just the thought of not having you in my life, it is painful. You have burned a hole through my chest and now I am sitting here bleeding out my thoughts of you in incomplete metaphors. I miss you. You were so much to me but I never really realized it till now. Till now. And now that I am alone with my thoughts I realize everything. And it all comes back to me in a deluge of unwanted emotions, crashing down on me, burying me but I cannot die, I can't escape. I must endure. What am I going to do without you? How can I stand the thought that I might never see you again? You, you who are so much a part of who I am. You, you who are so beautiful. Everything about you was so refreshing, like the breeze that stifles the heat and brings with it the coolness of a new start. The moments I had with you were that to me. And now the breeze blows a different way, and I must find out how to get by without it. You don't really need breezes do you? You can get by without them, I mean it isn't fun but it is possible. Adjusting to not having it will not be an enjoyable experience, but soon the feeling of the breeze on your face fades from your memory and your body adjusts to the blistering heat again, it is only the idea of not having what you once had that hurts. But I'm not there yet. Right now I can still remember clearly the look on your face when you said goodbye. I didn't hug you. I had already hugged you before, but now I wish I did. You came rushing out, you put your hand on my shoulder and you patted my head and my hair. I don't know why that always showed me that you loved me, it doesn't really seem like it would be enough, but I guess somehow it was. And then I looked at you and you looked at me, and it felt like, for that moment, you knew, and that was enough. and then you were gone. And now it is not enough. Now nothing is enough. Now your absence is felt. Now where I am, there is a gap in the air next to me where you are not. I mean, it is space, I can ignore it, I can push it aside, but it is still there. I didn't realize I loved you that much. I had always kind of scoffed at the sayings "Oh, you don't know how much you love someone until they are not there." I still feel like if they had worded it differently then it might be a little less cheesy and therefore have more merit, but now I know what they mean. It is true, you really don't know. But now I know. How am I going to do this? I don't want to think about it all because if I try to then it will come back to you and I don't want to think about you. Because it hurts. But I don't want to stuff you away and never think about you, because that wouldn't be fair to you. You loved me enough that you deserve more than that. So what am I going to do? I don't know. I'll see where the wind takes me, so much like you, my little breeze. But I must look on to greater things. I am not going to let you go yet, but I am thinking sometime I am going to need to, or else I am just going to keep bleeding words and never really do anything.
